Car Wreck

On a business trip, I saw the perfect opportunity to go all out in having a dressing binge.  It did not enter my mind that God would have something to say to me about this abandonment to the desires of my flesh.

It was four days after I got back from my cross-dressing spree.  I was on the freeway, stopped in traffic, and a car going over 70 miles an hour hit me in the rear.  I almost died, but I survived without a scratch, even though my car was burned to a crisp.

God was trying to get my attention.  He did a pretty good job.  But even though I was really quite shaken by the episode, I hung onto my paraphernalia for at least four months.  What was I thinking?  It would still be three years until I acknowledged the reasons for my obsession with being a woman, but I have no doubt that the undercurrents in my subconscious were hindering my complete surrender to the LORD God.

After the four months had passed, I gathered up all the paraphernalia and cut up all the photos.  I took the bags to a dumpster and trashed them.  It felt good to be free of the things that weighed me down.

It took me a year to acknowledge my sin to my wife, and that led to my seeing a counselor.  He was not just any counselor, but a pastoral counselor.  He used Scriptural truths in my life.  He had experience in counseling people with addictions, including transsexualism.  He had a pretty good guess as to the reasons for my acting out this obsession, but he wisely waited for the Lord Jesus Christ to bring them to my attention.

I have no memory of the question that my counselor asked me … I wish I could remember … but it suddenly unlocked my mind and heart.  I instantly blurted out what had happened in the past.  It shocked me, but, as I thought about it, it fully explained my obsession with being changed into a woman.  The counseling sessions are a blur, but some four years later I started seeing another pastoral counselor, and then, after two more years, I started keeping journals.  I just started my 16th journal.  I have found them key to unlocking mysteries.  I will tell you more about journaling.