Life with My Wife

King Lemuel, remembering sayings which his mother taught him, in Proverbs 31 says, “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. Her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

In the second chapter of Genesis, God instituted marriage, saying, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Jesus quoted this Old Testament reference, as He often did, in Matthew 19 and Mark 10. You can look at Ephesians 5 to see how the Apostle Paul says that, “the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.” This isn’t a very popular teaching today, but God instituted marriage to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and His Bride, His Holy Church.

Well, I knew that I was supposed to be loving my dear wife as Christ loved His chosen people, the people the Father had given Him. I took solemn vows before God and witnesses, that I would be faithful to her until death parted us. I was supposed to lay my life down for her. But, what was I doing? I didn’t even let her know that I struggled with transgenderism until years into our marriage. Even then, when I did tell her, I represented it as something that had happened in the past. That was very far from the truth … another bold-faced lie.

It eventually did come out when I started having difficulties with my parents. Something was seriously wrong there. So, I started seeing a Christian counselor at my wife’s recommendation. Wow! Was she surprised … and deeply hurt. It was like I was cheating on her … having an affair with another woman … and that was true … a woman of my own creation and imagination.

As I look back on it now, my wife was a real trooper, and she genuinely loved me, just as she had vowed at our wedding. Time and again, she forgave me for lying, my suicide attempt, cross-dressing, shaving my body, looking at porn, visiting strip clubs, reading TG stories, fantasizing, etc. She spoke the truth to me. She is just human, but the Spirit of the living God dwells in her … and we are one. She is priceless … far beyond the value of rubies. I owe her so much … I can never repay her … like I can never repay God for His forgiveness and lovingkindness in Christ.