On the page entitled “Confusion and More”, I talked about how I sometimes dreamt of making love to a man as a post-op MTF transgender. While this was totally repulsive to me, I was still drawn to it. I hated men. Why I wondered. I wanted to destroy them. I wanted to control them … dominate them. I couldn’t imagine a better way to do it than by becoming an exotic dancer or a prostitute, a “Man Trap” as the Aussies say.
What was behind such desire? I couldn’t figure it out. Yet, even though it sickened me, my sometime fantasy still persisted. It was only when Jesus revealed the second of my two reasons for pursuing transgenderism, that it made any sense.
In the book of Titus, the Apostle Paul says, “One of them, a prophet of their own, said, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.” ” What is meant by the term “evil beasts”? Another Scripture, this time in the book of Jude, who was a half-brother to Jesus, says, “But these speak evil of whatever they do not know, and whatever they know naturally, like brute beasts, in these things they corrupt themselves.” So, “evil beasts” and “brute beasts” mean something about some men. It doesn’t sound good.
Hopefully I am not giving you too much information, but I don’t think your minds will allow you to go there, unless Jesus has prepared you to see a particular possibility, if indeed it applies to you.
My problem was that I didn’t apply my hatred and distrust to “some” men … I applied it carte blanche to all men—the entire gender… Christian or non-Christian. And it wasn’t just their bodies and persona that troubled me … it was me, myself. I hated my own body and my own manly thoughts.
I even had trouble with the fact that Jesus, the Son of God, came to earth in the body of a male child, and then lived as an adolescent, as a man. He had male genitalia … how could I trust Him? Once I understood the reason for my choosing transgenderism as a means of escape, as a means of safety and security, then it all made perfect sense. Your reason may be the same as mine, and maybe not.
“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” John 10:27