The Female Idol

It wasn’t until I was in my forties that I first saw the female idol in my heart.  With the help of the enemy, I created it early in the first decade of my life.   I was five years old … pretty young.  It was fashioned as a composite of all the beautiful and safe women that I knew as a small child.  The female image was tall and stood on the plain of my heart.  It was hollow and contained thousands of niches that housed all the feminine personalities that I had met or seen in my lifetime.

Often when I tried to get close to God … I was distracted by the female idol.  I turned aside and gave worship to a false image, rather than worshipping the true and living God.  This was very grievous to me, but I could not seem to help it.  I was entrapped by the feminine idol … engaging in cross dressing whenever I could … viewing internet pornography to strengthen the female image … fantasizing about being a girl or a woman as I went to sleep … dreaming of having Sex Reassignment Surgery and voice and deportment training … always trying to comfort and console myself with what seemed safe.

But Jesus wanted me to come to Him for safety and security … He knew that the female idol was hurting me … keeping me from a beautiful and glorious close relationship with the true and living God … my awesome and holy Creator.

Once I realized that the female idol was there, I was greatly concerned.  It took me a while before I started doing the right thing.  I started praying that Jesus would help me to tear down the female idol.  I knew that I could not do it myself.  I needed His divine help.  He was my faithful High Priest and fully understood why I had created that false and idolatrous image in my youth.  There were reasons why I had made that idol to protect me.  After several years, Jesus broke down the idol and planted a garden of remembrance there.  Suddenly, I was free of my enslavement to the transsexual/transgender lifestyle … I stopped fantasizing … I stopped visiting the websites … I stopped cross-dressing … I stopped abusing myself with masturbation … I stopped wishing for Sex Reassignment Surgery and hormonal treatment … I finally could thank God for the way He had made me.  I could look in the mirror and smile at the person I saw.  It was wonderful to be free of the idolatrous image that shackled me to a future that scared me to death.