Here are some of the key thoughts to dealing with the sin of effeminacy and transgender temptations. They are not in order of importance, but are all given to you in love.

1. Do not harm yourself … there is hope … your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit … you are not your own … Jesus bought you with His precious blood.
2. God created you in your God-given gender … you will always be your birth gender, even if you change your appearance … you cannot change your chromosomes … there are many SRS reversal surgeries taking place … start thanking God for how He wisely chose to create you.
3. Ask Jesus to show you the reason(s) your gender identity is confused … ask Him to heal any broken-heartedness.
4. Ask Jesus to show you if there is a feminine idol in your heart, and, if so, ask Jesus to help you destroy it.
5. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you know what to repent of … coveting, idolatry, stealing, adultery (sexual immorality), etc. (Exodus 20, Deuteronomy 5) … cross-dressing (Deuteronomy 22:5) … emasculation (Deuteronomy 23:1) … effeminacy (1 Corinthians 6:9 NASB)
6. Stay clear of the places that cause you trouble … go around … use available software like “Covenant Eyes” to stay away from problem websites.
7. Have an accountability partner who will help you to make right decisions and hold you accountable … ask you how you’re doing.
8. Ask God to break any unhealthy soul ties … any ancestral iniquities.
9. Begin reading God’s word every day … try reading “Daily Light” … get God’s word into your mind … it matches what He’s written on your heart.
10. Be in a Bible believing church … preferably “reformed” … you are not to walk alone … seek out wise and compassionate “saints” to walk with you.
11. Choose a good and wise counselor … one who will help you with “renewing your mind” (Romans 12:1-2) with God’s word and pray for you.
12. Make Jesus Christ your Lord, your best friend … obey Him.
13. It is all of grace … put on “God’s Armor” … stand firm … speak truth.
14. Pray to your Heavenly Father (see the post “Prayer”) in Jesus’ name.
15. Take every thought captive in obedience to Christ (2 Cor. 10:3-5).
16. You’re a “saint”, a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17) … your spirit is willing.
17. You have a new identity “in Him” (Ephesians) … you are not a TG.

Transgenders: Putting off the old man, and putting on the new.

For those of us with transgender struggles, we understand the concept of putting off one set of clothes and putting on another set. It’s something that seems to come naturally to us. The Apostle Paul uses the same kind of language when he talks about our need to shed the old and put on the new.

In Ephesians 4, Paul says, “if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind …” So, as Christians, disciples of Jesus, we are to “put off … the old man”. Who is “the old man”?

We need to go to Romans 6, where Paul says, “For if we have been united together in the likeness of His (Christ’s) death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin.” The “old man” is our old sin nature, which is described in Jeremiah 17: “The sin of Judah is written with a pen of iron; with the point of a diamond it is engraved on the tablet of their heart.” But, when God took away our heart of stone (see Ezekiel 36:25-27), He gave us a heart of flesh, on which He says He has written His law (Jeremiah 31:33).

If we are supposed to “put off … the old man”, then what are we to “put on”? The Apostle Paul tells us, “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.” Romans 13:14

We need God to help us in this. As part of my morning prayer, I say out loud, “LORD God, I put off the old man, and I put on the Lord Jesus Christ.” This is an act of the willing spirit within me, that I make in faith upon God’s grace at work in me. I also put on “the whole armor of God” (see the page “God’s Armor”). This is not something magical, but an act of faith and obedience.

“The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore, let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light.” Romans 13:12

“I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, My soul shall be joyful in my God; for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness …” Isaiah 61:10

James, the half brother of Jesus, says in James 4, “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Pride was the sin that Satan was guilty of when he rebelled against God and took a third of the angels with him. He wanted to be like God. Isaiah the prophet says in Isaiah 14, “How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning … for you have said in your heart: ‘I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God … I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will be like the Most High.’ ”

In my determination to be transgender, I was guilty of the sin of pride. I thought that I knew better than God … thought I knew what gender I should have been … thought I was wiser than God. I was so proud of my ability and skill to transform myself into an image of a woman. We can be so arrogant and haughty in our ability to “pass” as a female. I was also so proud of my knack for “reading” other transgenders. I have repented and turned from these attitudes of superiority (see the page “Repentance vs. Practicing Sin”).

The book of Proverbs speaks a great deal about the sin of pride. In Proverbs 8, God speaks through Solomon, “I, wisdom, dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge and discretion. The fear of the LORD is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate.” Proverbs 11 says, “When pride comes, then comes shame; but with the humble is wisdom. The integrity of the upright will guide them, but the perversity of the unfaithful will destroy them.” Please note here that there are two kinds of people being talked about … the “upright” or those who are righteous through Christ Jesus … and the “unfaithful” who are unbelievers. If you are “upright” you will have integrity in the new heart that Jesus gave you, and you will turn or repent of the sin of pride … because you see how awful it is in God’s sight.

The sin of pride extends so much further than our thoughts, actions and attitudes relative to the transgender lifestyle that our weak flesh is attracted to. It creeps into every area of our life that we are withholding from God … saying in effect, “I know better than You, God, what to do with my life.”

Read all of Psalm 131 and meditate on it. It is very short, but powerful. It starts, “LORD, my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty …” Pray for this.

Struggling with the issue of transgenderism, I really misused money. I broke the eighth commandment, “You shall not steal.” Every time that I went to stores to buy clothes, makeup, wigs, shoes, jewelry, etc., I was stealing from God. It wasn’t my money to spend as I chose … but, rather His money that He had entrusted to my care. I was to be a good steward of all that He had given me to use for His glory and honor … not on my fleshly lusts.

“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” 1 Timothy 6:10

I loved money for what it could get me that would take away my pain, comfort me, calm me down … it was an idol, so I was breaking the first and second commandment as well. If I had had enough money, I might have yielded to the temptation to actively pursue SRS and hormonal treatments. Thankfully, God did not give me that much money, and He also surrounded me with wife, children, and friends that I could not bring myself to betray.

In the gospels, Jesus has much to say about money and stewardship. Proverbs is another book that speaks to financial matters. Following are some basic thoughts about the use of money. More information can be found on-line.

1) We should regularly tithe to the Lord from our income. Some see this as ten percent, some even twenty percent. My wife and I have committed ourselves to giving ten percent. Jacob, in Genesis 28, says to the Lord, “And this stone which I have set as a pillar shall be God’s house, and of all that You give me I will surely give a tenth to You.” Study tithes and offerings.

2) Jesus, in Matthew 6, says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Here is a promise that if we put God first in our lives, He will provide everything that we need. We are to use money for God’s honor and glory.

3) I highly recommend developing a budget to guide you in your monthly expenditures and stay within your means. Putting some into savings is recommended. If you need to, cut up your credit cards.

4) Getting out of debt is important. My wife and I are almost out of debt.

Going to sleep each night was one of the most vulnerable times for me. It was primarily the time that I was tempted to fantasize about myself being a woman. I was alone with my thoughts, and it was where I would naturally turn to feel safe and secure as I went to sleep.

Yet, I was divided … there was a longing, a yearning, a deep desire to talk to God (see the page “Prayer”). I seemed to have a recollection of my childhood, wanting to know that God was near, not far away. But trying to reconnect with that youthful remembrance was very elusive, like I could not get there.

I wanted to talk to my Heavenly Father before I fell asleep. I wanted to tell Him about all my troubles, my stress, my fears, the things that scared me, even terrified me. Why would I so quickly give up on my child-like faith that He was my safety and security. Why would I so easily turn to my fantasies as a way of escape from reality? Why did I choose transgenderism over a relationship with my God? It didn’t make any sense. My eternal relationship with Almighty God was far more important than my transitory struggles with my gender.

There is an interesting story in the book of 1 Samuel. It is about the little boy Samuel. This was before the time that Israel started to have kings, like King Saul, King David, and King Solomon. It says in 1 Samuel 3, “Now the boy Samuel ministered to the LORD before Eli.” Eli was a priest of the LORD, but the LORD was not pleased with Eli, because he was not correcting and restraining his sons, who were also priests, from doing evil and wickedness.

It was “… while Samuel was lying down, that the LORD called Samuel, and he answered, “Here I am!” But he was confused … he thought Eli was calling him. He went to Eli three times as the LORD called to him, and Eli finally perceived that the LORD was talking to the boy. Eli told Samuel, when He calls to you, say, “Speak, LORD, for your servant hears.” Samuel and God talked.

When we go to bed at night is an excellent time for us to commune with God. Psalm 4 says, “I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; for You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 63 says, “When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches.” Let us leave our fantasies and cling to God alone. He alone can keep us safe and secure.

Psalm 119:24 says, “Your testimonies also are my delight and my counselors.” So, the Holy Scriptures are our counselors. Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” And godly men are to be our counselors. In Isaiah 9:6, Jesus is called “Counselor” with a capital “C”. Jesus is to be our Chief Counselor.

How does one go about selecting a counselor to deal with issues of transgenderism or effeminacy? Well, I spent some time with my pastoral counselor and here is a short list of the qualities we agreed are essential. Ask Jesus to guide and direct you to the right man (or woman if FTM TG).

1) Your counselor should be a “born-again” Christian, with a biblical worldview, who exhibits the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). The Bible should be his guide.

2) He should understand “Identity in Christ” as taught in the book of Ephesians. He should maintain that your God-given gender, the one you were born in, is the correct gender for you. “… just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love …” Ephesians 1:4

3) Your counselor should not just have head knowledge about the Scriptures, but an experiential life in Christ, one who practices “putting off the old man” and “putting on the Lord Jesus Christ”. He should be “taking up his cross daily and following Jesus.”

4) During my sessions, I regularly hear my counselor praying for me as I am crying and pouring out my heart to Jesus. Prayer should be an integral part of his ministry. I even have a prayer partner who is one of my best friends.

5) If your counselor has an understanding of transgenderism or effeminacy, that is a nice plus, but it is not essential. He can still counsel you as to what God’s word, the Bible, has to say on the topic. The key point is that he be able to teach you, disciple you, to follow Jesus Christ. The Christian life is much more than dealing with gender identity issues, while those are key.

6) “He makes counselors walk barefoot …” Job 12:17 (NASB) A good man is sensitive to the needs, feelings, emotions, heart, mind … he can empathize.

After you read this page, you might also want to read or review “Letting Others In”. The people that we have around us is very important, especially when we’re trying to break free of transgenderism. How do we go about choosing friends?

I’m going to start off with a Scripture that knocks out a lot of people … but there is balance required … Jesus related to sinners. We are to be in the world, but not of it. Read Psalm 1, “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful …” So, we are not to be influenced by: 1) the ungodly, 2) sinners, 3) the scornful. We need to recognize their ability to influence us, avoid the wrong paths, and influence them for Christ instead.

Psalm 1 goes on to say, “… but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night.” We are to be influenced by God’s Word, the Bible, the Holy Scriptures (see the page “Reading the Bible”). But, you may say, “This is not a person … what does this have to do with choosing friends?” A lot. The Bible is our best friend … it is Jesus speaking to us. In the first verses of the book of John, Jesus is referred to as “The Word”. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God … And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.” Choose Jesus to be your best friend. He stands at the door of your heart and knocks (see Revelation 3:20).

We started with Psalm 1 to answer the question, “How do I best choose friends?” Well, another helpful verse is found in Psalm 16: “As for the saints who are on the earth, “They are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.” ” Why are saints or true Christians so special? God gives us several good reasons: 1) they have a new heart (see Ezekiel 36:25-27) or are “born-again” (see John 1:12-13 and 3:3), 2) they have the Holy Spirit living in them (see 1 Corinthians 6:19), 3) they have God’s law in their minds and written on their hearts (see Jeremiah 31:33).

You just need to have some discernment about who among your Christian friends you choose to confide in about your struggle with transgenderism. My advice is to keep it to just a few, six or eight maybe … mature believers, kind, loving, understanding, empathetic, having a Biblical worldview, steady, wise, etc.

MPD stands for Multiple Personality Disorder. DID stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder. When I was seeing a pastoral counselor, and I suddenly blurted out one of the reasons that I was struggling with transgenderism … well, it wasn’t too long before I asked my counselor, “Am I multiple?” And he answered, “Yes.”

Some Christians may have a problem with my use of MPD/DID … but, really the concept, even though it is recognized by psychology and psychiatry, is a Biblical one … God speaks in the Psalms of the “brokenhearted”, the “afflicted”, the “oppressed”, the “poor”. In the Gospels, Jesus talks about the “downcast”. People fit into these categories across a wide spectrum … some being severe.

I personally like the classification DID over the acronym MPD, because “Multiple Personality” might give the impression that there is more than one person inside; whereas DID speaks of “Dissociation” and “Identity” … only one person. We all dissociate … while driving and deep in thought, suddenly coming to the realization that we’re miles down the road and don’t recall paying attention to our driving.

If at some point in your journey with Jesus, you come to the realization that you are “multiple” or very “brokenhearted”, do not be alarmed. Bad things happen in this world … you see it in the news … and the Bible is very clear on the fact that we live in a fallen and sinful world … people do bad things to other people. Severe trauma results in splintering, fragmenting, splitting the mind and heart.

I basically have three systems inside: 1) Big Victor, 2) Little Victor, 3) Fairchild. Big Victor is the denial part of me, he’s the “person” that most people see, the one who functions in day-to-day operations. Everyone needs some denial to function properly. Little Victor contained alters or parts that were effeminate, like Victoria. It took a lot of counseling, journaling and time until all those confused parts were transformed to male parts. It took Jesus tearing down the idol (see the page “The Female Idol”). Fairchild is where all the pain resided, and this was the hardest system to access … took a lot of time and patience. But I praise God my Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit for helping me to be healed to a great extent, significantly “integrated” or “blended”, and functioning well.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

A very helpful verse of Scripture, when it comes to being tempted to cross-dress, or look at pornography, or fantasize about being a woman, or being tempted to sin in any way, is 1 Corinthians 10:13. Paul says, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

One helpful thing to remember is that the temptation that you are dealing with in a particular moment is “common to man”. Many people are dealing with it … something strange is not happening to you. In fact, that particular moment is an opportunity for you to pray for others who struggle with the same temptations.

Another promise to hold onto from this verse is that “God is faithful” and He “will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear”. God remembers that we are dust and He puts limits on the extent to which the tempter, Satan, can tempt us. If you read the first chapters of the book of Job, you will see that Satan could not do anything without God’s permission. It is the same for us.

The amazing thing about this verse is the promise, that God “will also make the way of escape” from the temptation. I personally believe that this “way of escape” is the opportunity to come directly into God’s throne room through prayer (see the page “Prayer”) and spend time with our Heavenly Father, through Jesus. Special times with God are waiting just on the other side of temptation. For more thoughts about resisting the tempter, see the page “God’s Armor”.

James, Jesus’ half-brother, wrote in James 1, “Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.” Notice that enduring a temptation is an opportunity to show love to God. James goes on to say, “Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone.”

The important thing to remember when you are tempted to sin, is that you are not alone … God is with you. David, in Psalm 38, bemoans his wretched condition, “For my iniquities have gone over my head, like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me … Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!”

You may not even realize how much you are hurting … I certainly didn’t for quite some time … but Jesus knew … yes, He knew better than anyone that I was in great pain. It wasn’t just because I considered myself to be a MTF transgender. There was much more to it … a lot more. But, Jesus is called the Great Physician. He healed countless people while He was on this earth, and He continues to heal people every day. He has healing for you.

“The LORD builds up Jerusalem (His Church); He gathers together the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:2-3

In Isaiah 42, the prophet who “saw the LORD sitting on a throne, high and lifted up …” says of Jesus, “A bruised reed He will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench; He will bring forth justice for truth.”

Jesus will not take people who are “bruised” and break them. He will not take a person who is fainthearted … whose light is about to be snuffed out … and deal unjustly with them. He is not like that at all. He is gentle and humble with all who come to Him for salvation.

As I mentioned in the Introduction, one of my favorite Scriptures about Jesus is Matthew 11:28-30. “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Again, Jesus is “gentle” and “humble” … He will deal with you in lovingkindness. In Psalm 18, the LORD comes to King David and delivers him from his foes … considers him “His delight” (verse 19) … and in verse 35, David says, “Your gentleness has made me great.” God knows that our path to greatness … becoming more like His beloved Son, Jesus … is not through rough treatment, but rather through His kind and loving care.

Just before verse 35, in verse 34, David says, “He teaches my hands to make war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.” God knows that we are weak and hurting, but He will teach us how to deal with the enemy. Read the pages, “No Temptation” and “God’s Armor”.

This page is an important one for those struggling with transgenderism. You may also want to read Your True Identity.

Victor is not my real name, but it is appropriate, because in Christ I am a victor, an overcomer. That is not to my credit … no reason for me to boast … but it is to the glory and honor of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who delivered me from the great bondage of transgenderism.

But, let’s just pretend that Victor is my real name. If I use it incorrectly, and think of myself as Victoria, then I am hurting myself. I am not speaking truth. I am speaking a lie. I did that with my own first name. But, beyond that, I had multiple names for different persona … I was in terrible bondage.

I strongly urge you, do not corrupt your name, do not feminize it. If you are an FTM, I urge you, do not masculinize your feminine name.

Names are very important. When God created Adam, our forefather, on the sixth and last day of creation, God brought all the animals to Adam for him to name them (see Genesis 2:19). “Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name.” It is interesting to note that God wanted “to see what he would call them.” God, in His foreknowledge, knew what Adam would name them, but He tells us this to help us understand that names are powerful and meaningful.

There was something about using a feminine name for myself that was “empowering” … in the wrong way. It reinforced the many lies that Satan and his demons had foisted upon me, to try to seal my fate.

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies (your whole being, your identity, your name) a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God. For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly …” Romans 12:1-3

For those who truly know Christ, who really have a relationship with the Heavenly Father, through the atoning sacrifice and perfect life of Jesus … you have a new identity. For starters, you are a saint. No one who continually practices sin, a sinner, will be in heaven. The Apostle John, in Revelation 22, says, “But outside are dogs and sorcerers and sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie.”

But now that you are a saint, you have a new heart, and a new identity. You are in Christ (read the book of Ephesians and note where it says, “in Him”).

Let’s list some of the many new descriptions of yourself, since you are in Christ:

1. You are an “overcomer”. See Revelation chapters 2 and 3.
2. You are a “believer”. See Acts 5:14
3. You are an “ambassador for Christ”. See 2 Corinthians 5:20
4. You are “more than conquerors” through Him who loved us. See Rom. 8:37
5. You are “the salt of the earth”. See Matthew 5:13
6. You are “the light of the world”. See Matthew 5:14
7. See the list of identities in Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. Look at Matt. 5:3
8. You are a “Christian”. See Acts 11:26
9. You are a “disciple” of Jesus Christ. See Matthew 28:19
10. You are a “friend” of Jesus, if you keep His commands. See John 15:14
11. You are a “child of God”. See 1 John 3:1
12. You are a “saint”, no longer a sinner … yes, you still sin, but you don’t practice sin … you are a new creature in Christ … see how the Apostle Paul addresses God’s people in his epistles, how many times King David refers to the saints in the Psalms (you can use BibleGateway.com to find any word in the Bible).

I am fairly certain that I have not exhausted the list of names for saints in the Bible, names that give the true identity of believers in Jesus Christ, the King and Head of the Church, the body of true believers. Now, an important point … it is time to stop thinking of yourself as a transgender … a transsexual. That is not your true identity … not if you are fighting it, resisting the evil one, Satan. Keep speaking the truth about yourself, and you will have greater freedom in Christ.

“For you were bought at a price…”

In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Paul, the Apostle that was knocked to the ground by the blinding Presence of King Jesus, says, “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore, glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

Can you accept this truth, this fact, that “you are not your own”? The reason is that God says, “you were bought at a price”. What was the “price”? The Apostle Peter, whom Jesus invited to walk on the water with Him, wrote in his first book, “And if you call on the Father, who without partiality judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves throughout the time of your stay here in fear; knowing that you were not redeemed (bought) with corruptible things, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot.”

So, the “price” was “the precious blood of Christ”. This is why you are “not your own”. You therefore do not have the right to do with yourself what you wish. I myself did not have the right to dream and fantasize about subjecting this body to surgery, hormones, depilation, and more.

It is very well worth your time to think of Jesus Christ’s atoning work, redemptive work, on the cross (see the page “Glory in the Cross”). If you think that you chose Him, that you’re the one who decided to come to Christ, please think again in light of what the Scriptures say. Jesus says in John 15, “You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.” So, you did not choose Jesus, but He chose you.

God commanded Moses to have the people of Israel remember the Passover. When the people were in bondage in Egypt, one of the signs that the LORD performed was to have the angel of death pass over the Egyptians and the Israelites. The Israelites were forewarned, that if they used hyssop to paint the blood of the sacrificial lambs on their doorposts and lintels, the angel of death would “pass over” their homes and their firstborn sons would not die. Jesus has applied His precious blood to the door of your heart. He is the Lamb of God.

In Proverbs 31, King Lemuel records the wise words of his godly mother, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.” For many of the MTF transgenders, physical beauty and attractiveness is a huge draw … we have trouble with lust, coveting, envy … but part of it may also be the comfort that we remember from our mothers … they were beautiful creatures in our youth. Be that as it may, this fallen and sinful world wants to conform us to its mold, Satan wants to ensnare us in his traps, and our weak flesh is easily attracted to outward beauty.

Proverbs 27 gives us the wisdom of Solomon, “Hell and Destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.” The Apostle John, in 1 John 2 says, “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” The world is constantly bombarding us with sensual advertisements, featuring glamorous women, or what the world defines as beautiful. What we need to get into our hearts and minds is the fact that God defines “beauty” entirely different from the world and our flesh.

Every human being on the face of this planet, that ever existed, that is, or ever will be, is “beautiful” and has “worth” because they are created in the image of God. Nobody is plain in God’s sight. Everyone is an image bearer. Moses says in Genesis 1, “Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness …” ” Even those whose bodies and visages are marred by deformities … even they bear the mark of the Creator. It isn’t just the outer shell of our beings that is important … people aren’t objects … they are living souls with an eternal destiny … they have a mind, an intellect, a personality, a spirit.

We miss all this when we try to mess with our God-given gender. God created us as a complete package … body, soul, spirit, mind … He never intended that we should try to change any of it, no matter what we think might justify us doing so.

In Isaiah 40, the prophet says, “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever.” So, it is with physical beauty … it withers and fades away … “beauty is passing.”

None of our human “solutions” will last … no matter how hard we try to create a beautiful flower … the person we are trying to hide, cover up, will still be there.

Kenny Loggins wrote a song, “I’m Alright”. The lyrics go, “I’m alright, nobody worry ‘bout me, you got to gimme a fight, why don’t you just let me be?”

As transgenders, we can vacillate back and forth between our alarm at what we’re doing to ourselves and keeping people at arm’s length who might try to help us … “I’m alright, just leave me alone!”

This is completely understandable … there is a war going on inside of us. In Galatians 5, the Apostle Paul tells us, “For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.”

Jesus said, “Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:41 “The spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak.” Because God has given us a new heart, we can’t continue in sin with impunity. It just isn’t our nature to be sinners … we’re now saints (see “The Heart of Each Saint”). The weakness of our flesh is why the Apostle Paul, in Romans 7, says, “I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man (the new heart). But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members (the flesh). O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”

We are indeed very “wretched” and miserable if we persist in trying to pander to the desires of our flesh and totally ignore our spiritual condition in Christ. This was the case in the church at Laodicea. In Revelation 3, Jesus Christ tells the Laodiceans, “… you say, “I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing” – and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind and naked …” (See Dead to Sin, Alive to God.)

The picture of God and His holy saints, in Psalm 110, is of grass with morning dew, glistening brilliantly in the radiant light of the rising sun. “Your people shall be volunteers (willing) in the day of Your power; in the beauties of holiness, from the womb of the morning, You have the dew of Your youth.”

So, give attention to your spirit … you are “alive to God in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 6).

John the Baptist was God’s “messenger” who would “… prepare the way of the LORD.” “Now after John was put in prison …” Jesus was saying, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand. Repent and believe in the gospel.” (See “The Gospel” on page 2.)
What does “repentance” or “repent” mean? It means to turn around, stop running from God toward your sin, start running toward God for your salvation.

Was I being repentant when I threw all my paraphernalia away and a few weeks later bought more stuff to aid me in seeing myself as a woman? In 1 Kings 18, Elijah the prophet asked the people of Israel, “How long will you falter between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow Him; but if Baal, follow him.” I faltered between two opinions … I was a man who had doubts about God’s love … and James 1 says, “… he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind … he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” How many times did my loving wife need to forgive me? What about my loving Heavenly Father?

What I was struggling with was “… the sin which so easily ensnares [me] …” Hebrews 12:1 But, the Apostle Paul, in 2 Timothy 2, says, “… if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth.” What I needed was for God to “grant repentance” to me. I prayed earnestly for that and I also prayed that Jesus would tear down “the female idol” inside (see “The Female Idol”) … which He eventually did, to His honor and glory. As David says in Psalm 40, “He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps.”

For the past seven years, I have not turned back to the sin which so easily entangled me. God has granted me true and lasting repentance. I am no longer doubting God’s love for me, demonstrated through the gift of His dear Son, Jesus. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 In Ezekiel 14 the prophet says, “Thus says the Lord GOD: “Repent, turn away from your idols, and turn your faces away from all your abominations.”

The Doctrine of Repentance, Thomas Watson, Puritan Paperbacks
What is Repentance?, R.C. Sproul, Crucial Questions, Reformation Trust

When I was bound up in transgenderism, I had to deal with significant shame. I told God that I could not imagine myself going to heaven and being comfortable there. I could only imagine the other saints looking down on me because I had struggled with being effeminate. I had a total misconception of heaven.

The Apostle Paul, in 1 Corinthians 10, says, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” Note that Paul says that the particular temptations that we experience are “common to man”. What you are struggling with is not strange. Ask Jesus to show you why you are grappling with transgenderism. Knowing will help you immensely. Something happened to you, either “in utero” or after you were born that gave you this desire to be feminine.

Read the first couple verses of Hebrews 12. There the author of Hebrews says that Jesus, “… for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame …” Jesus was stripped naked, nailed to the wooden cross, and put on public display, in one of the most cruel and shaming methods of execution devised by wicked men. Jesus despised the shame that He was put through. He focused on the joy of redeeming a people for Himself and His Heavenly Father.

The psalmist David, in Psalm 69, speaks prophetically of Jesus talking to His Father while upon the cross, “You know My reproach, My shame, and My dishonor; My adversaries are all before You. Reproach has broken My heart, and I am full of heaviness; I looked for someone to take pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none. They also gave Me gall for My food, and for My thirst they gave Me vinegar to drink.” Jesus did not remain in His feelings of shame … He gave them to His Father in heaven. We need to follow Christ’s example for us and give our shame to God. Psalm 55 says, “Cast your burden on the LORD, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.”

It is the wicked who will be put to shame. Bildad says in Job 8, “Those who hate you will be clothed with shame, and the dwelling place of the wicked will come to nothing.” The psalmist prays, “… O LORD, do not put me to shame!” Ps. 119:31

Here is great news!  The believer in Christ does not have a “Jeremiah 17:9” heart, “deceitful” and “desperately wicked”.  The Lord gives the new believer a new heart.  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17).  What is this new creation?  “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26).  This is something that God alone does, not us.

Jeremiah chapter 17 contrasts the wicked with the righteous.  Verses 1-6 depict the wicked.  Verses 7-8 picture the righteous.  What of verse 9?  “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked …”  Popular interpretation of this verse is to believe that it describes the heart of both the wicked and the righteous, but is that true?  How can a desperately wicked heart even begin to respond to the Spirit of God?

In Jeremiah chapter 31, verse 33, the LORD says, “… I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts …”  So, instead of “sin” (Jeremiah 17:1) being written on the believer’s heart, “God’s law” is written there … a big difference!

Jesus spoke of this difference between the righteous and the wicked, when He said in Matthew 12:35, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure [of his heart] brings forth evil things.”  In Matthew 7:17-18, Jesus said, “Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.  A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.”

But a child of His still sins.  Our new hearts are fashioned in the likeness of Christ’s own heart.  We are told by Christ, “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”  The flesh cannot accomplish the righteousness of God.  Nothing good dwells in our flesh.  The flesh is at war with the Spirit who lives in the heart of believers.  But, we are given hope.  We are now saints, not sinners.  Yes, we still sin, but we cannot practice it like sinners do.  We are more than conquerors through Christ … we are overcomers.  We bear good fruit as we abide in Christ and walk in the Spirit. When we do sin, we ask God to cleanse our heart, like David prayed in Psalm 51.

A word of caution … Proverb 28:26 says, “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered.”  Our heart is a creation and we are to trust in the LORD alone.

The heart is the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit and our spirit; we are one.  We will walk in the Spirit, because we are willing in the day of Christ’s power (Psalm 110:3).  We are new creatures … everything is made new.  We are indeed saints, not sinners, as the New Testament writers conveyed in their epistle greetings.  Sinners practice sin.  But, because God is the One who cleanses and creates, we – His saints – can forsake a life of sinning by His grace … and practice righteousness.

Read the following: Keeping the Heart, John Flavel, Soli Deo Gloria, 1998.

Jesus, speaking to the Samaritan woman at the well, says, “But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him.  God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”  John 4:23-24

“Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.”  James 1:27

God graciously orchestrated events such that I was led to a “reformed” church that had its roots in the Reformation.  I could not have chosen a better place for myself. This was the place that I found my lovely wife-to-be.  She in turn would direct me to the counselors that would prove to be so helpful.

This church has proved a good place for me for the following reasons:

1. Almighty God was presented as being omniscient (all knowing), omnipresent (everywhere present), and omnipotent (all powerful), just as the Bible teaches.  He is the Creator of the heavens and the earth.
2. The Ancient of Days was also preached as being Sovereign (King over all) and Providential (in charge of all things).  Nothing happened without His express consent and will, not even the rebellious movements of Satan and his demons, just as the Bible teaches.  This truth was especially important after I learned the reasons why I was struggling with transgenderism.
3. The Triune God was, is, and is to come, the One true and living God, three Persons in the Godhead: God the Father, God the Son (Jesus Christ), and God the Holy Spirit.  God is perfect in all His divine attributes.
4. Jesus Christ is Prophet, Priest and King.  He is also a mighty Warrior.  He is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, and reigns right now over all the nations.  He is fully God and fully Man.  He always does the will of His Father and He has sent His Holy Spirit to be our Comforter and our Helper.

This is a start on what I have learned.  This church proved to be a safe place.

Messiah the Prince, William Symington, The Christian Statesman Press, 1999.

The Apostle Paul, wrote in the sixth chapter of Galatians, “But God forbid that I should boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.”  In 1 Corinthians 1, Paul said, “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.”

There is great benefit in focusing on the cross where Jesus died for us.  Jesus told Nicodemus in John chapter 3, “And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.”  Just as the children of Israel who looked to the bronze serpent on a pole were saved from the poisonous snakes, we are saved as we look upon the cross where Jesus died to deliver us from our sins.

I highly recommend reading the four gospel accounts, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.  Pay particularly close attention to the end of those books, reading the four different eyewitness accounts of Jesus’ suffering under Pontius Pilate, His agonizing time on the cross between two thieves, and His resurrection from the dead.  It is the power of the cross and the power of Jesus’ resurrection that will deliver you from the enslavement of transgenderism and all your other sins.  Paul said in Galatians chapter two, “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”

In Romans 6, Paul said, “For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin.  For he who has died has been freed from sin.  Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him.”

Two books that I highly recommend in the study of the cross of Christ are:

• The Seven Sayings of the Savior on the Cross, Arthur W. Pink, Baker Books, 2005.
• The Resurrection of the Shroud, Mark Antonacci, M. Evans and Company, 2000. The Shroud of Turin, understood properly, is not an artifact to be worshipped, but rather a tool to comprehend the horrors that our Lord and Savior suffered for us.

Yesterday, I had lunch with a man who attends the same church that I do.  We have been friends for a long time.  But, ahead of our meeting, I thought about letting him understand me in a deeper way.  When we met for lunch, I unfolded my life story to him, telling him about my struggle with transgenderism, and the reasons that Jesus had given me that explained my struggle.  I trusted him … that was the only reason that I could “open up” to him and let him know the real me.  I was not disappointed.  He believed me and understood what I was telling him.  We had a good time together.  He encouraged me with thoughts from Psalm 23.

It doesn’t always work that way.  Sometimes the person that you’re confiding in will not be sympathetic or empathetic … they will not understand you and maybe even say hurtful things.  That happens even inside the church.  It shouldn’t, but it does.  But you can’t walk alone, like I did … you need friends you can trust.

The psalmist David, in Psalm 16, said, “As for the saints who are on the earth, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.”  Ask Jesus to help you judge character, to discern people who have wisdom, who are loving and kind.  He will guide you to the right people.  I have about six/eight people who know my past and understand the challenges that I still face in walking through this “valley of the shadow of death”.  Psalm 23

When you share your story, you don’t need to give details … you don’t need to shame yourself.  Be careful how you describe things.  Also, it is probably best that you make a break with anyone you know who is trapped in the transgender lifestyle.  Unless you are very good at swimming, you can’t help someone else stay afloat, they will only drag you down, tell you things that aren’t helpful.

Am I happy with the close friends that I’ve acquired?  Yes, for the most part.  I still do most of my sharing with just two or three “really close” friends.  But, I enjoy doing things with my friends.  Very few of them really understand what I have been through, the pain that I have suffered, only Jesus can truly understand that and be my closest friend.  Even my wife has her limits, but she understands me better than anyone on this earth and she still loves me and accepts me.  Ecclesiastes says, “For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.”

There may be some in the Church, in the Christian community, who connect transsexualism or transgenderism with the seventh commandment, “You shall not commit adultery.”  (See Exodus 20 or Deuteronomy 5.)  They may see it as a form of sexual immorality.  That could be the case, but, then again, it might not be.

Holding to the transgender lifestyle might rather be a case of breaking the first commandment, “You shall have no other gods before Me.”  Or it might be an instance of breaking the second commandment, “You shall not make for yourself a carved image – any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath (for me, women), or that is in the water under the earth …”  (I also had a thing for idolizing mermaids … fantasizing about being one.)  Or it could be a matter of coveting, covered by the tenth commandment … coveting the body of a woman that you have seen … envy (Yep).  Or it may be a matter of breaking a combination of the commandments.  James chapter 2, says, that if we have failed in keeping one commandment, we have actually broken all of them, “For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all.”

Keeping the Law of God is not the means of our salvation.  Christ has kept it for us.  We are saved by grace alone, faith alone, Christ alone (see The Five Solas). The Apostle Paul, in Ephesians 2, expresses this well: “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.  For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”  We are not under a “covenant of works”, but the Law is a “rule of life” for us.

Paul the Apostle, in 2 Corinthians 6, says: “And what agreement has the temple of God with idols?  For you are the temple of the living God.  As God has said: “I will dwell in them and walk among them.  I will be their God, and they shall be My people.”  Therefore, “Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord.  Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you.  I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the LORD Almighty.”

Yes, “Come out from among them and be separate …”  In the first chapter of 1 Peter, we read, “But as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.” “  Holy means “separate” or “set apart”.  Set yourself apart from the world for Jesus.

Overcoming the transgender lifestyle cannot be done by self-effort … by white-knuckling it … by straining yourself.  It can only be overcome by the grace of God.

In Ephesians two, Paul the Apostle says, “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.  For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

Grace is God’s strength in Christ.  The Apostle Paul asked God to remove a thorn in his flesh.  In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul gives an account of his ordeal: “And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure.  Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me.  And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” “

Now we, who struggle with transgenderism, should not stop at asking the Lord three times to be free of our affliction.  It is clear from Scripture that God does not want us to remain in this sinful lifestyle.  In the book of James, it is said, “God gives greater grace.”  If transgenderism is “the sin which so easily ensnares us”, God’s grace is greater.

In Hebrews 12 we are given the injunction to keep our eyes on Jesus: “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Keeping our eyes on Jesus is so important, it cannot be over-emphasized.  The story is told in Matthew 14, how Peter saw Jesus walking on the sea.  “And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”  So, He said, “Come.”  And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus.  But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out …”  Watch Jesus.

Once some years ago, I read a book by a former transsexual. He had gone through the hormonal treatment and the SRS and was miserable. As I recall, the man came to know Jesus. He came to the conviction that he needed to reverse the procedure and become as much like a man again as possible.

If you are in the position of having changed your apparent gender, then there is still hope for you. Seek the Lord Jesus Christ and ask Him what you should do. I am not in your shoes and would not pretend to know what the answer is in this given circumstance.

In John chapter six, Jesus says: “All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out.” Jesus does not throw His children away, like some do in this world. When I was in my teens, I read from Deuteronomy chapter 22: “A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the LORD your God.”

For a time, I thought that I was an abomination. I did not know what to do.  But then God showed me that I was a believer in Christ, that He had changed my heart, and that I could not go on practicing sin as the unbelievers do.  Yes, I bought clothes, wigs, makeup, jewelry and more … yes, I cross-dressed and pretended that I was a woman … but God always brought conviction of sin and brought me to the point of throwing everything away … even the photos. How many times did I go through the cycle of buying and throwing away? It is beyond count. But, as I’ve said, Jesus took down the feminine idol in answer to my prayer. God did not abandon me to my sin.

There was another verse that spoke to my need. God told me in no uncertain terms that it was wrong for me to seek SRS. Deuteronomy 23:1 says: “He who is emasculated by crushing or mutilation shall not enter the assembly of the LORD.” Again, for those who have had SRS, there is still hope. Jesus said that He will not cast out a person who comes to Him for salvation.

No matter where you are at in the transgender world, Jesus still says, “Come unto Me.” Matthew 11 There is still opportunity to turn to Him before He judges the world with fire. He will bring an end to all things and will set all things right.

There was another lie inside.  “Your inside and your outside can never agree.”  I felt fake and hypocritical.  No one could see the real me.  I wasn’t sure that I knew who the real me was either.  I just knew that I wasn’t being honest with myself or the people around me.  I was afraid of the person that I saw inside.  He was full of fears and contradictions.  I didn’t know how to be honest with myself or with anyone else.

The psalmist David writes in Psalm 15: “LORD, who may abide in Your tabernacle?  Who may dwell in Your holy hill?  He who walks uprightly, and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart …”  I wanted desperately to speak the truth in my heart.  Only Jesus could help me do that.  Only Jesus could get my inside and my outside to agree.  My dear wife also helped me to speak the truth to myself.  She would speak the truth to me about who I really was, andwould have me repeat it to her.  Eventually, I came to the place where I could tell myself the truth about myself and the truth about my God.  Find someone you can trust who will help you speak the truth.  You also need to hear yourself speak the truth.

Today, my inside and my outside match.  I know who I am.  I don’t have to pretend that I am someone else. I am comfortable with who I am. Jesus has shown me my life history and I can own it, accept it, even if it is painful.  Jesus can help you to get your inside and outside to agree.  He can help you find your life story.  It may be painful, but it is better to know the truth than to live in the dark.

It was not helpful, telling myself that I was someone else rather than who I really was.  It brought all kinds of stress and discomfort I didn’t need.  I thought that I had comfort and peace in pretending to be someone else, but deep down I knew it was a lie.  It was only momentary relief.  Accepting myself as the person that God made me brought lasting relief, comfort and peace.

Find that “hidden person of the heart”, who you really are.  It will take hard work.  There may be pain involved, but it is worth it.  Ask your Heavenly Father, your Abba Father, who stands with open arms to welcome you, to help you.  Ask Jesus Christ your Lord to enable you to be the beautiful person that He made you to be.  God does not design ugly.  God does not make mistakes.  He made a special and unique person when He fashioned you.  Start agreeing with Him and truly live life.

Why was I struggling with transgenderism?  I was in shock … a wounded part of me was speaking … I heard the lie being repeated over and over again … constantly playing inside … “You are cheap, dirty and unacceptable.”  There had to be a reason why I would speak that lie to myself.

Why would I feel “cheap, dirty and unacceptable”?  Suddenly, I had a very good reason from Jesus.  He brought me to the point where I could verbalize it to my counselor.  One day, I just blurted it out … it shocked me, stunned me … but I knew it was the truth.  It hadn’t even been in my conscious mind … suddenly it was on the tip of my tongue.  I had repressed the truth about it for many years.

Now I knew why I clung to transgenderism, and why I accepted this lie.  Jesus told His disciples, “You are already clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.” John 15:3  Jesus died on the cross to wash me clean from my sins.  Through the prophet Isaiah, God the Lord spoke and said, “Come now, and let us reason together … though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”  Isaiah 1:18

So, the truth is that in Jesus I am costly, clean and acceptable.  That is a truth that I need to be telling myself.  That is what you need … the truth … Jesus’ truth for you … you need to start speaking it in your heart and in your mind.  There are three possible sources of thoughts inside you.  You can have your own thoughts.  But you probably think that is all you have … your own thoughts.  But that is not the whole truth … you also have the enemy, Satan, speaking lies to you … but, thankfully, you also have God’s Holy Spirit speaking truth to you.

Jesus said to His disciples that when He returned to heaven, He would send His Holy Spirit to be our Helper, our Comforter.  What could be more helpful and comforting than the truth that God speaks to our hearts?  Where does this truth come from?  It comes from God’s Word, the Bible, the Holy Scriptures.  That is why we should do everything we can to hear His Word, read His Word and even internalize His Word through meditation.  The Psalms are a good place to start.  

The Psalmist, King David, speaks the truth about God, regardless of his feelings and emotions.  No matter what his life circumstances, David chooses to speak the truth about himself and about God.  We would do well to emulate him.

It wasn’t until I was in my forties that I first saw the female idol in my heart.  With the help of the enemy, I created it early in the first decade of my life.   I was five years old … pretty young.  It was fashioned as a composite of all the beautiful and safe women that I knew as a small child.  The female image was tall and stood on the plain of my heart.  It was hollow and contained thousands of niches that housed all the feminine personalities that I had met or seen in my lifetime.

Often when I tried to get close to God … I was distracted by the female idol.  I turned aside and gave worship to a false image, rather than worshipping the true and living God.  This was very grievous to me, but I could not seem to help it.  I was entrapped by the feminine idol … engaging in cross dressing whenever I could … viewing internet pornography to strengthen the female image … fantasizing about being a girl or a woman as I went to sleep … dreaming of having Sex Reassignment Surgery and voice and deportment training … always trying to comfort and console myself with what seemed safe.

But Jesus wanted me to come to Him for safety and security … He knew that the female idol was hurting me … keeping me from a beautiful and glorious close relationship with the true and living God … my awesome and holy Creator.

Once I realized that the female idol was there, I was greatly concerned.  It took me a while before I started doing the right thing.  I started praying that Jesus would help me to tear down the female idol.  I knew that I could not do it myself.  I needed His divine help.  He was my faithful High Priest and fully understood why I had created that false and idolatrous image in my youth.  There were reasons why I had made that idol to protect me.  After several years, Jesus broke down the idol and planted a garden of remembrance there.  Suddenly, I was free of my enslavement to the transsexual/transgender lifestyle … I stopped fantasizing … I stopped visiting the websites … I stopped cross-dressing … I stopped abusing myself with masturbation … I stopped wishing for Sex Reassignment Surgery and hormonal treatment … I finally could thank God for the way He had made me.  I could look in the mirror and smile at the person I saw.  It was wonderful to be free of the idolatrous image that shackled me to a future that scared me to death.

When I was a child there were books that had games and puzzles in them.  One of my favorite puzzles was making pictures from a series of numbered dots.  If one took a pencil and drew lines from one, then two, then three, and so on, the series of lines formed a picture that one could recognize.

There is a reason, or reasons, that you are struggling with the issue of transgenderism.  I could tell you the reasons for which I groped for so long, the answers for which I searched.  However, it is not my place to tell you.  It could prove harmful to give you those reasons if God does not yet have all the truth and helpful people in place around you. And my reasons may not be your reasons.

I encourage you to ask your Heavenly Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to show you what are your reasons for pursuing the transgender lifestyle so intently.  Why do you want to be a woman, when God created you to be a man?  Why do you want to be a man when God created you to be a woman?  The true cause(s) will surprise you when God reveals the dots and you connect them.  Your reason for wanting to be a woman may have come “in utero” or after birth.  For many years I believed that I was a woman trapped inside a man’s body.  I was totally relying on my feelings and emotions … but I wasn’t in possession of all the facts.  It proved to be a lie foisted upon me by the enemy and the world (see “The Big Lie”).

The truth is that God made a good and right decision when He determined the gender that you should be.  The first chapter of Genesis records God’s creative work: “So God created man in His own image: in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”  God’s wise and creative work was not finished with Adam and Eve … He went on to specially create each and everymember of the human race. The psalmist David said of his Creator, “For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.  I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.  My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.  Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.  And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.”  Psalm 139:13-16

Try to get God’s way of thinking into your mind and heart … you are who you are.